The Grim Cellar

2007, US, Directed by Michael Bay

Colour, Running Time: 144 minutes

Cinema screening, Image: 2.35:1 Super 35, Audio: English language

While wandering around some foreign island the other day I made the unprecedented decision of stopping by to watch the new Transformers super budget blockbuster, primarily because I was passing a cinema, plus it was beginning to rain, and I needed the toilet quite desperately - four quid well spent for a comfortable, clean, and peaceful public convenience, and a film thrown in to boot. Plus I’d already seen The Simpsons the day before and sure as f**k wasn’t going to be watching that again (ever) whilst the remaining choice lay between girly crap such as Bratz and License to Wed, and the six screens being taken up with the latest Bourne movie, neither of the preceding films for which I’d seen anyway, so that was out. Oh, and Cal (along with just about everyone else) had given Rush Hour 3 the thumbs down. Really: Transformers was the best option…

The movie version of the popular (almost cult, surprisingly) cartoon and toy series from the eighties starts out with a devastating attack on an army base by a mysterious machine that temporarily masquerades as a chopper that had been lost in combat some time before. Elsewhere a resourceful but cheeky teenager (Sam) is being bought his first car by his rich old dad and fate leads them to pick up a sporty looking thing that soon proves to be a modern day Kitt, having as it does a mind of its own. It turns out that the car is a shape-shifting ‘Autobot’ from another planet and the fact that Sam and the car ended up in each other’s company was no accident - Sam is unwittingly in possession of an artefact containing alien information and a group of evil, similarly extraterrestrial robots called Decepticons (led by Megatron, the leader who was found a hundred years before frozen in ice) are looking to acquire this information, and Sam’s ‘car’ along with several other Autobots are here to ensure this doesn’t happen for the sake of the universe. Thus begins a battle between Autobots and Decepticons here on Earth with Sam and some other teens caught in the middle (along with the army too of course).

Plots don’t get much more melodramatic than that - the entire fate of humanity and the universe hangs on some kid in possession of a pair of antique specs and later an alien box (surely a macguffin if ever there was one). Newcomer Shia LaBeouf does a reasonably amicable job as the lead teen, Sam, and (TV Barbie doll star) Megan Fox doesn’t have to say much to do a good job looking drop dead stunning as his newfound girlfriend, Michaela - it’s ironic because Sam, desperate to impress, tells Michaela that there’s more to her than meets the eye but she’s so shallow I don’t think he could be more wrong. They try to characterise her by giving her a criminal record and an aptitude for fixing cars (a boring attempt to subvert the stereotype of a gorgeous bimbo) - hell she can even drive a car in reverse at speed without needing to see where she’s going - but she really is there to look incredible and nothing more (and super babes have rarely been better represented than with Michaela here; phew!). In fact, these PC attempts at stereotype subversion are pathetic and contrived - there’s only one analyst more supreme at comprehending computer networks and code than a sexy female college grad (and she’s better than the army intelligence operators themselves of course), and that’s a jive talking black dude. The dialogue throughout is of a juvenile nature but I suppose it was aimed at younger audiences; what bothers me more is the fact that the writers seem to be trying to be hip and funny at every turn and very little of it actually is funny (unless you’re twelve). What does stand out as completely supreme (apart from Megan Fox’s facial structure), however, is the special effects - they’re simply as amazing as it can get I‘m sure, CGI seamlessly composited with live action in probably 80%+ of the film. In fact, it’s a jaw dropping example of sci-fi movie production planning with effectively two films having to be made with the intention of being spliced together.

It’s no surprise to find this is another offering from the cinematic phenomenon that is Michael Bay - temporarily I thought the guy was about to show us another side with The Island, but unfortunately that was a bit of a flop and probably discouraged the director from implementing a touch of intellect into his films. So now we’re back in brainless Armageddon territory with Transformers, something that often looks like it could easily pass as an advertisement for cars or jeans or something, such is the artificial slickness of its appearance. It’s sort of like a frantic cross between Knight Rider, the Terminator films, and Gone in 60 Seconds. The ridiculousness of the whole thing is somehow pushed aside for what are admittedly exhilarating action sequences along with monumental destruction on the scale of Hiroshima multiplied by 9/11, and I suppose that’s the main attraction here (apart from Megan Fox’s body), and it will undoubtedly trick people into thinking it’s a cool film, at least until they get a chance to watch it again on disc and realise that it’s quite emptyheaded. If you have to see it, then you have to see it at the cinema (it‘s a hefty audio-visual experience), otherwise I wouldn’t bother (unless you still make love to your Transformers toys whenever the missus is out). It’s a pity such stunning special effects can’t be put to better use, but then again there’s a hundred and fifty million dollar investment to get a return on I suppose.

1983, Canada, Directed by David Cronenberg

Colour, Running Time: 89 minutes

DVD, Region 1, Criterion, Video: Anamorphic 1.82:1, Audio: Mono

Max Wren runs a small Television station providing the kind of sex and violence that Americans don’t usually get to see on broadcast, this allegedly being a means of survival in the face of much bigger and more financially powerful stations. Max is always on the lookout for harder stuff to pull in wider audiences so his interest is understandably piqued when one of the technicians introduces him to a show called Videodrome depicting sexualised torture and murder. Intercepted by their satellite, Videodrome is apparently being broadcast from Malaysia, as is evident by the distorted and delayed reception. He begins trying to track down the source of the show, finding out that the Malaysian origins are false when the signal delay is found to be a decoy - the broadcast is being sent from Pittsburgh. Max discovers that the mastermind may be an eccentric man, Brian O’Blivion, who he was previously interviewed with for a talk show, but after watching a tape personally prepared for him by O’Blivion, Max begins to experience vivid hallucinations. To his horror he finds out that the Videodrome program is actually responsible for inducing the growth of a tumour in his brain, one that’s causing the hallucinations that are predicted to get worse. Sure enough, before long he is finding it difficult to distinguish between the twisted visions in his mind and what is apparently reality: his grip on life is spiralling out of control.

Creating some disturbing sci-fi tinged horrors during the 70s Cronenberg really found his feet by the time the production of Videodrome came about. The plot is not only unique but also philosophically intriguing, questioning as it does the nature of perception of reality - that is, to what degree does an organism accurately perceive reality and how much more relevant are the perceptions of one organism over another considering these perceptions are all effectively contained within the mind anyway? This is a concept that the director later went on to explore further in Naked Lunch as well as eXistenZ (and, to a lesser degree, Spider). The fragments of the plot in Videodrome that may at first merely appear to facilitate genre-typical use of extreme special FX (skillfully created by Rick Baker) gradually reveal themselves to more cognitive viewers to be metaphorically representative of the hallucinogenic interpretations of what’s actually happening around and to Max - this is a film in which I noticed more and more subtle detail each time I watched it and even after something like eight or nine viewings I was deciphering certain things that had previously eluded me. As Max’s visions intensify and his confusion grows so too is the viewer taken along on the same trip, as Cronenberg refuses to signal when these visions begin and conclude (if, indeed, they do conclude). On first viewing this may be disconcerting but repeated viewings are rewarded with increased understanding. Another conceptual strand that underlines the film is contradictory at a glance: Cronenberg appears to be suggesting that people can be influenced by watching things on a TV screen (i.e. Max views a video transmission and this indirectly results in aggressive, homicidal behaviour on his part), an argument that was particularly rife in the 80s as video became popular and, in the minds of do-gooders, the media and politicians, threatened the very fabric of law and order (though they appear to have done a good job of allowing crime to become rampant in the UK without video; lack of discipline and appropriate punishment are far more potent here than video nasties ever were). For someone who effectively made his name creating violent films it seems strangely hypocritical to present something that appears to advocate censorship. Perhaps there’s more to it than that… One of the great composers of our time, Howard Shore, provides a soundtrack that weaves a path towards certain doom, reminding the viewer that there can be no upbeat result to the proceedings of this story. James Woods was a good choice for Max, satisfactorily representing a man on a confusing descent towards the unknown as his understanding of reality disintegrates piece by piece. Debbie Harry plays his girlfriend, an unhinged woman (ironically, she hosts a radio program to help emotionally imbalanced people) experimenting with S&M who becomes interested in ‘applying’ to appear on Videodrome after seeing some young girl being brutally whipped on the show while staying at Max’s house. With a multi-layered conceptual structure that is intriguing, thought provoking and highly entertaining, this engrossing film is somewhere at the top of Cronenberg’s produce and remains one of genre cinema‘s greats in my opinion.

Thank God for both Videodrome and Criterion. Available from Universal on both sides of the pond in its R rated version, Criterion came along and blew that one into oblivion. This is a 2 disc set collating just about anything worth having, including the indispensable commentary by Cronenberg, documentaries, plus a 40 page booklet containing three articles plus credits. The uncensored transfer was extensively restored from the 35mm interpositive and, while grainy in the opening reel, settles down to become the definitive presentation of this film. No 5.1 remixing has been done, as one expects from Criterion: purism is the operative approach and a very clean mono track provides the audio. However long DVD continues to survive in the wake of HD’s arrival, this package (nicely designed inside to look like an old betamax cassette) will remain one of the all-time greatest DVD releases for me.

1963, UK, Directed by Steve Sekely

Colour, Running Time: 94 minutes

DVD, Region 2, BBC Worldwide, Video: Letterbox 2.20:1, Audio: Mono

A prolonged meteor storm initially seems harmless due to the fact that the rocks appear to be burning up through the atmosphere before any damage to the Earth’s surface is done. If anything it proves to be something of a spectacle as people everywhere stare in fascination at the light show far above the planet’s surface. But by morning the real damage that the meteor shower has caused begins to make itself apparent as most of the population of England has been blinded by the previous night’s star-gazing. An injured naval officer, Bill Masen, wakes up in hospital with his sight intact thanks to having his head completely bandaged, therefore rendering him unable to witness what was happening. Following the suicide of his now-blind doctor, the unmasked Masen leaves the deserted hospital to find the streets in chaos - people are staggering around unable to see, vehicles have crashed, communications have been lost, etc. As he enters the train station he realises that public transport may be out of the question when the next train fails to stop, crashing into the barriers before hundreds of confused people spill out onto the platform. Among the sightless Masen finds a little girl who had similarly missed the meteor storm and is still able to see. The second consequence of the meteor attack then provides an additional obstacle - it appears that some form of life has been carried to Earth on the rocks in the form of seeds that grow into flesh-eating plants, and these are quickly developing into as genuine threat as, not only are they numbered in the millions, but they can also physically uproot and move towards their intended organic victims. Together Masen and the girl set off towards the safety that he expects to be provided at a Naval base and so begins their expedition south through England and to France. Meanwhile, as they realise what’s going on, a couple of scientists are conducting their own studies in the confines of a secluded lighthouse in the hope of finding a solution to the problem that is threatening the very existence of mankind.

Bearing the production date in mind there are flaws with the film that are reflective of the period: the special effects are usually cumbersome and detract from the overall impact of certain scenes, some of the onscreen ideas can be lacking in verisimilitude (e.g. the blind railway ticket attendant still at his post?!? That’s what you call loyalty!), a ‘wild’ party bringing back fond memories of Carrie Fisher’s segment in Amazon Women on the Moon, the ice-cream van sequence near the end reminding me of the xylophone joke from Monster in the Closet, etc. But, strangely, for all that the adventure that ensues with the two heroes as they cross from one location to another, meeting various survivors on their trek, gradually becomes quite gripping partly due to the fact that the film focuses more so on the human drama that unfolds in the wake of the apocalyptic backdrop. There are snippets of activity here that remind me of things that turned up later on in more widely appreciated movies - the boarding up of the lighthouse for protection (Night of the Living Dead), the radio broadcasts gradually dying off (Dawn of the Dead), the hospital awakening of a hero who finds a devastated London outside (28 Days Later), etc. On the level of an end-of-the-world survival sci-fi drama it works pretty well despite its problems.

Released by BBC Worldwide through a label called Partner Entertainment the transfer is a bit of a mess. The print is well worn, faded, de-saturated, and lacking in definition (not helped by the fact that it’s non-anamorphic), though they try and get themselves off the hook with a statement on the back cover: “Due to the archive nature of this film the sound and picture quality may vary.” Too right it does - it alternates between bad and terrible. The one thing that it has going for it is the fact that it’s almost correctly framed, but otherwise this is not too much better than a VHS picture, though I found a noticeable improvement by boosting the contrast. It’s a point to note though that all DVD releases that I’m aware of are inadequate in this department so, although this disc is difficult to obtain these days, this will have to suffice until something better comes along (I did hear a year or so ago that some sort of restoration was taking place). Note that the John Wyndham novel on which this is loosely based was later adapted again in the 1980s for a BBC a television series, that being released a couple of years ago on DVD.

1998, USA, Directed by Mimi Leder

Colour, Running Time: 121 minutes

DVD, Region 2, DreamWorks, Video: Anamorphic 2.35:1, Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1

Schoolboy Leo Beiderman (Elijah Wood) notices an apparently uncharted object in the skies while on an astronomy observation lesson and the details are sent to a professional astronomer for assessment. He in turn realises that it’s actually a comet on a path for Earth but, as fate would have it, on his way to deliver the news to seniors he is killed in a motor crash. Some time later career-motivated reporter Jenny Lerner (Téa Leoni) stumbles across a politically problematic story regarding a womanising senator’s resignation, not realising that his motivation was more to do with The End Of The World rather than the non-existent mistress that Lerner initially suspects. Following a press conference that reveals that there is indeed a comet on a collision path for Earth, a ship is launched with the intention of landing on the comet and detonating nuclear warheads beneath its surface, thereby hopefully breaking it into smaller chunks and removing the threat. The problem is not as easily solved as this and before long the president (Morgan Freeman) is revealing that subterranean bunkers are being set up for an admittance lottery system that could ultimately choose who lives and who dies.

Released around the same time as the similar Armageddon I always felt this was a much better film, partly because it steers further away from the emphasis on ridiculous OTT action and characters of Jerry Bruckheimer’s audience friendly material, and partly because Deep Impact focuses more on the human relationships that are affected in the event of a looming apocalypse. When one of the chunks of comet hits the ocean, sending huge tidal waves towards land, it really does have an impact (particularly disturbing seeing the Twin Towers sent down as the wave hits Manhattan) and is all the more effective because the writers have bothered to set up characters that we remotely care about. That’s not to say it’s not flawed but it does work well on its own terms. It sort of reminds me of an updated version of When Worlds Collide actually (don’t worry, that’s not giving away the ending).

I originally bought the first UK release of this and that’s what this review is based upon. Virtually extra-less, it featured a good anamorphic image (a step up from the US disc, which was letterboxed) and strong 5.1 track, however it has since been superseded by a Special Edition in both territories that makes it even more of a worthwhile purchase. For a human apocalyptic science fiction story Deep Impact makes for a more intelligent (aside from a few moments) and enjoyable experience to the comparatively popcorn orientated Armageddon.

2002, UK/USA, Directed by Rob Bowman

Colour, Running Time: 98 minutes

DVD, Region 2, Buena Vista, Video: Anamorphic 2.35:1, Audio: DTS

Tunnelling work beneath London reveals a hitherto dormant race of dragons that break loose and reap havoc on mankind to the point of near genocide. Spreading like a plague across the planet the dragons, who were supposedly the cause of dinosaur extinction before going into subterranean hibernation, once more become the dominant species while surviving humans are forced into small groups of stationary or travelling communities. Two such communities come together but their leaders are prone to differing views on how to proceed, Quinn (Christian Bale) believes that they should remain put to survive, whereas the militaristic Van Zan (Matthew McConaughey) clicks on to the probability that all of the dragon eggs are fertilised by one male and wants to take a chance to track it down to kill it, and therefore the entire reptilian race.

An apocalyptic science fiction (though not set that far ahead in the future), Reign of Fire was not critically successful but coming to the film after all the negative fuss died down I found a reasonably entertaining thriller, though possibly a little miserable in its general ambience. Bale continues to prove versatility as an actor and McConaughey is unrecognisable as the perpetually angry marine. The dragons themselves, while hardly evident of a risk-taking design ethic, are amazing creations but remain less used in the plot than one would have expected. Reduce your expectations and you may have a fairly good time with this, plus at an hour and a half it doesn’t outstay any welcome.

Being a recent film it’s no surprise that the transfer is DVD demonstration material: an exceptionally detailed image combined with aggressive 5.1 tracks (including DTS). Though under-specified as far as extras are concerned Reign of Fire makes for something worth risking a few quid on certainly.

2003, US, Directed by Phil Tippett

Colour, Running Time: 88 minutes

DVD, Region 2, Columbia, Video: Anamorphic 1.78:1, Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1

Ah, the six million dollar ’sequel’ to Paul Verhoeven’s classic film, directed by Phil Tippett (who?). On an arachnid-infested planet a group of infantry fighting off the creatures are forced into holding up in an abandoned outpost where they join up with a rebel commander to face the threat of a previously undiscovered ‘bug’ - one that can burrow into humans and effectively take control of their new host. Following a brief (and unconvincing) outdoor battle with the primary arachnids the majority of the story takes place in this outpost as the soldiers are picked off one by one.

It’s a potentially interesting though derivative idea - characters having no choice but to stay put in an outpost on an alien world while the threat outside is put into the background due to an altogether more sinister parasite inside the building taking over each of them. Actually if you take The Thing, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Aliens and Verhoeven’s original, mix them all together and reduce your available budget and resources substantially, you might get this film. It is unfortunately mundane at best: the outdoor battles are shot in darkness and smoke (i.e. hiding the fact that it’s a cheap studio set) with creature CGI that looks suspiciously reused from the first film. The outpost set is better and the new bug is quite creepy but the whole thing is put together in such a boring and pedestrian manner that you can’t help but become distracted by just about anything else (my wallpaper needed changing for example). Even the mock promotional army TV articles seem to miss the satirical point that was so well expressed by Verhoeven. Why should a successful (critically more so than financially - it only scraped back it’s original budget at the box office) and rather major production such as ST warrant a low budget shot-for-video sequel? Perhaps they were scared of spending $100 million again (understandably so I suppose but they didn’t need to stoop quite this low). Apparently the animated series (Roughnecks) was better, but I never got around to seeing that.

ST2 (shot on HD) looks okay on SD DVD but surprisingly grainy in darker scenes. Accompanied by a 5.1 track and commentary you have a better specified disc from Columbia Tristar than the film deserves. The movie kind of worked for me on some levels the first time I watched it but the second time around I was quite bored. There was a great franchise with ST but Hero of the Federation stamps it dead (maybe not? Another sequel has been announced continuing Rico’s exploits for a possible 2008 release).

1997, US, Directed by Paul Verhoeven

Colour, Running Time: 129 minutes

DVD, Region 1, Columbia, Video: Anamorphic 1.78:1, Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1

Set in the far future, Earth is under threat from an arachnid-like race that is capable of colonising other planets by releasing ‘asteroids’ into space that carry their seed. Mass recruitment takes place on Earth for military operatives to the point where people are pretty much indoctrinated with the idea that war is good and normal. The film follows Rico in particular who joins up for mobile infantry against his father’s wishes, losing his girlfriend in the process to a strapping pilot. Taking a structure not unlike Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket the first half of the film deals with introducing us to the arachnid threat plus primary characters, following their training through to war readiness. The second half takes place largely following a devastating alien attack on Earth that forms the catalyst for all out war on the planet Klendathu.

Verhoeven seems to have a knack for creating deliberately glossy, comic book style adult films, contributing several excellent pieces to science fiction along the way, for example Robocop, Total Recall and Starship Troopers. The latter nearly didn’t become the product it was thanks to some terrible special effects work that forced it back for reworks - the resulting effects remain incredible to this day with near perfect examples of compositing and great CG model work/animation. Troopers is a satirical piece and has become all the more poignant in recent years because some of the material here bears uncanny similarity to what we have seen emerging from the political climate in America following 9/11. The propaganda news articles are both funny and strangely reminiscent of reality. As a science fiction film it works really well, the epic and very gory battle sequences being particularly thrilling: my favourite sequence is certainly the Outpost attack which results in one of the greatest battles and close escapes in Sci-fi history in my opinion.

Despite being a fairly early DVD from Columbia Tristar (released in 1998) and having a surprisingly low bitrate the film looks great, Verhoeven and Jost Vacano’s choice of colour schemes coming across vividly. Basil Poledouris composed a sometimes powerful score (occasionally recalling elements of his Robocop soundtrack) and that comes across well. Extras are plentiful; pretty much this is a two disc set but the extra material is placed on side 2 of the disc (i.e. before ‘2 disc…’ became a marketing attraction). Great film and, aside from the very first skimpy UK release, a brilliant DVD in any territory.