Fantasy Mission Force (1983) June 25, 2008
Posted by Cal in : Wacko , 4 commentsDirector: Chu Yen-Ping Main Cast: Brigitte Lin; Jimmy Wang Yu; Suen Yuet; Jackie Chan Territory: Taiwan/Hong Kong Production Company: Cheng Ming Film Company
When an international gaggle of generals (sorry, I don’t know the collective noun for generals) is captured by the Japanese during World War II, Captain Duan Hun (Jimmy Wang Yu) heads up a special task force to go and get them back. The task force is comprised of a woman with a rocket launcher, her Casanova of a lover, two Chinese Scots guards who seem to be in love with each other (one of whom swings a morning star throughout the movie), a vagabond thief with a Mexican moustache and a guy who doesn’t do anything except look cool in sunglasses.
Fantasy Mission Force plays like a weird experiment: imagine a film where a bunch of scriptwriters, some of them with mental health issues, work on a script in isolation of each other with no knowledge of what the other was writing except for a list of character names and a vague outline of who they are and what they’re doing. That’s what this film feels like. Either that or a film scripted by aliens who had seen a bunch of Earth movies (including Raiders of the Lost Ark) but had never actually met any humans.
Either way, it’s completely mad. It seems to be defeating the object a little to point out exactly why it’s one of the craziest films I’ve ever seen. Yes, it’s set in World War II but features cars made in the late 70s. Yes, there is a tribe of Amazon women in a film set in Asia. Yes, Brigitte Lin blows up her own home in a fit of anger for no apparent reason. But that doesn’t quite sum up how decidedly odd it is. Watching it now, I’m not sure if it’s just too clever and we just don’t get it.
When the government is presenting a slide-show of possible leaders of the task force to rescue the hostages we see some familiar faces flash up on screen and the reason they can’t be used for the mission: James Bond (“on assignment in South Africa”), Snake Plissken (“King of Snake is dead”), Baldy from the Aces Go Places series (“he is deflective”) and my personal favourite, Rambo – where they use a promotional shot of Sylvester Stallone dressed as Rocky Balboa.
This is one of those films where you can get bogged down in “this happens” then “that happens” kind of descriptions to try to illustrate what’s going on, but you could be here for weeks. We have a broad (and yes, I do mean broad) spectrum of styles on offer in this film from comedy to horror to action. Films that mix genres rarely work, and this is true to a certain extent of this film, but when you take each piece on its own merit, it’s surprising how much is actually pulled off. For instance, there’s a scene in a haunted house that is both played for laughs and for frights and this scene in particular is pretty damn good. The humour is funny and there’s also a weird sense of menace to it. Similarly, the introduction of Suen Yuet’s character with a bonkers but catchy song (with “Ha Ha Ha! Lai Lai Lai!” refrain) complete with smiling but baffled gwailos is a highlight that no one forgets. Ever. Thankfully, it’s been immortalised on YouTube and can be seen here in full. My only major criticism is the tone seems to shift the moment one of the Amazon women gets killed and her blood flies across someone’s face. It seems out of place and brutal in a film that up to that point was quite light in tone. There are also bloody moments later on, but that moment always sticks out in my mind.
Fantasy Mission Force is a film that would almost definitely have been long forgotten by now were it not for one fact: Jackie Chan appears in it. He weaves in and out of the story in a way meant to disguise the fact that he wasn’t present for most of the shoot. Everyone probably knows the story by now, but Jackie “owed” Wang Yu a couple of films for a favour Wang did in “negotiating” a release for Jackie from the Lo Wei studio. It has to be said that Jackie seems to take it all in good fun, and his highlight is his show of one-upmanship before a wrestling bout with a fearsomely big man.
But if you’ve come solely to see Jackie, it’s very likely you’ll be disappointed – he’s just not in it nearly enough and he clearly wasn’t able to spend as much time as normal getting the most out of his action scenes (the exact same problem that occurred on his other Wang Yu film Island Of Fire). If you’re a fan of truly out there films, though, it’s quite likely you’ll find nirvana here – nowhere else will you see Nazis, Amazons, singing vagabonds, Chinese Scotsmen who have a very close relationship, ghosts cheating at Mah-Jong and apparent time travel all in one movie. And that, my friends, is guaranteed.
Heaven and Hell (1978) February 2, 2008
Posted by Cal in : Horror, 1970s films, Kung Fu, Wacko, Supernatural , 3 commentsDirector: Chang Cheh Cast: Lee I-Min, Sun Chien, Phillip Kwok, Chiang Sheng, Lo Meng, Fu Sheng Territory: Hong Kong Production Company: Shaw Brothers
A man and woman are kicked out of the Court of Heaven on trumped up charges of bringing shame onto the Kingdom. Reincarnated as a taxi driver, Xin Ling (Lee I-Min) courageously takes on and kills a gangster harassing Chen Ding (Fu Sheng) and his sweetheart (Jenny Tseng), but is himself mortally wounded in the conflict. Now sent to hell, Xin Ling applies for leniency when the annual heavenly Buddha happens to appear pretty much as soon as he gets there. In another stroke of luck, the Venoms themselves are in hell and keen to get out, and the heavenly Buddha allows them all to fight their way out.
The more perceptive of my readership have probably noticed a leaning towards the “spooky” in my Hong Kong film viewings of late, and I’ve always had a bit of an interest in this film as it looked like a wacky bit of fun. The reality, though, is a film just a bit too out there for my tastes.
You can’t fault the film for being different. We start off in heaven in this three act film, a section which of course has a strong fantasy feel to it, and reminded me a little of the film Na Cha the Great. It soon becomes apparent that the first two sections of the film are just setting the scene for the “Hell” part as the “Heaven” section barely lasts ten minutes before switching to modern day Earth. The Mortal World is the most striking part of the film visually, which, for reasons unfathomable to me, is portrayed in a kind of theatrical way as a stage play complete with stylised sets and props (and a couple of musical numbers from Jenny Tseng which are surprisingly not too bad). Fu Sheng takes on a gang of dancers pretending to be thugs in a fight scene without sound effects of any kind and with visible lack of contact. It’s a very brave style choice, and definitely something I’ve not seen before. Unfortunately, I don’t think it really pays off. The film then confusingly switches to a more realistic, external setting for the encounter between Fu Sheng, Lee I-Min and the gang boss played by Kong Do.
The lion’s share of the screen time goes to the Hell sequence, but this is interspersed with flashbacks to various periods in the world’s history when the Venoms’ backstories are told. Hell itself is primarily made up of cheesy sets, cheesy costumes (Hell’s workers are kind of like human pigs) and ultra cheesy lighting. There are a few torture scenes and a little moralising along the way, but basically, the Hell sequence is just a prelude to the introduction of the Venoms and the film becomes a Kung Fu-fest from there on in. While the Venom stories are good, the whole film just descends into a fragmented mess and I couldn’t wait for the whole thing to finish.
You could walk in on Heaven and Hell at various points and think you’re watching a fantasy film, an avant-garde 70’s pop art piece, a comedy, a horror, a period Kung Fu flick, a modern day actioner and a musical variety show. With so many elements involved, it was sure to turn out badly, and Heaven and Hell was a real struggle for me to sit through. You’ll never see another film like it, but that’s meant more of a warning than a recommendation.
Oily Maniac (1976) June 1, 2007
Posted by Cal in : Horror, 1970s films, Wacko, Bad Films , add a commentDirector: Hoh Mung-Wa Cast: Danny Lee, Chan Ping, Ku Feng Territory: Hong Kong Production Company: Shaw Brothers
It must have seemed like a great idea at the time: a sort of superhero-cum-monster movie set in Malaysia with lots and lots of topless ladies and the shark theme from Jaws. The title alone sold it for me – any film called Oily Maniac is a must-have as far as I’m concerned.
Danny Lee plays the eponymous Maniac – a polio victim who gains his powers when his mentor, shortly before his execution for murder, gives him the key to superhuman powers. All he has to do is dig a hole in his own house (which is built upon some kind of bewitched ground) and the magical oil will bestow its power. What it boils down to is this: if he covers himself head to toe in oil (of any kind), he becomes an invincible killing machine. He can switch between two forms at will: an oil slick (great for sliding along the ground or ceiling and slipping into the tiniest of cracks) or a more-or-less human form (great for throttling his victims). The Maniac then goes on a killing rampage righting the wrongs he sees in his everyday life as a clerk in a solicitor’s office.
I’ve just reread that plot synopsis and realised I’ve just made Oily Maniac sound a hell of a lot more exciting than it really is. It tries to be both a superhero movie (the monster is kind of like the Incredible Hulk in a way, and the mild-mannered Danny Lee character is like any number of superhero alter-ego average Joes) and a horror film. It doesn’t really achieve either thanks largely to some terrible – and I do mean terrible – special effects. Plus, it’s about as scary as an episode of Postman Pat. The oil slick effect wouldn’t fool a five year old today, and it probably didn’t look too convincing back then, either. As for the human form of the Maniac – well, it’s a guy in a (badly made) rubber suit. Add to this the blatant ripping-off of the Jaws theme tune whenever the Maniac is about to appear, and it all makes for one hell of a wacko experience. Actually, if it wasn’t for this piece of music popping up all over the place, I’d swear this was a lot older than 1976 – if not for the effects, then for the fashions which seem more like they’re from the late sixties or early seventies to me.
As you might expect, all this results in some unintentional comedy and an overall campy feel to the film. Which is just as well, because the rest of it is a complete write-off. The morality of the film seems a little skewed, too, and some of the plot doesn’t stand up to close scrutiny. I think the crew probably thought that if you throw enough topless ladies in, you could disguise the film’s shortcomings. This is probably the most “breasty” Hong Kong film I’ve seen, although I’m sure it can’t hold a candle to Cat III films (of which I haven’t seen any, Officer, I swear). The action scenes involving the Maniac aren’t too bad, though, but you can never get past the fact that it’s a man in a rubber suit. The film’s conclusion was more than a tad predictable, too.
Oily Maniac is not so much a B-Movie as a C-Movie, but is entertaining enough in its camp way - and is probably the only place you will ever see a man beaten to death with his own bicycle.
Kill And Kill Again (1981) April 29, 2007
Posted by Cal in : Action, Wacko, Bad Films , 2 commentsDirector: Ivan Hall Starring: James Ryan, Anneline Kriel, Bill Flynn, Norman Robinson, Ken Gampu Territory: South Africa
Eminent scientist Dr Horatio Kane has discovered a way to get fuel from potatoes. Unfortunately, a by-product of the process is a mind-control drug (how did they find out? – the mind boggles!) and it seems a megalomaniac named Marduk (Michael Mayer) has kidnapped the good doctor to work for him in his utopian state of New Babylonia. There, Marduk is training his army to take over the world for some reason or other. Head of the army is the Optimus, an impressive figure with a truly fearsome moustache. The authorities draft Steve Chase (James Ryan) to go in there, sort Marduk out and come back with Dr Kane. Steve starts assembling his crew for the mission: gadgets man Hot Dog (Bill Flynn), brawler Gypsy Billy (Norman Robinson), the mysterious Fly (Stan Schmidt), and wrestler Gorilla (the late Ken Gampu). Also insisting on coming along for the ride is Kandy Kane (with a “K”), daughter of Horatio. But the evil Marduk has one final knockout blow – he’s developed the mind-control drug further and is now planning to introduce is into the world’s water supply in a fiendish plan cryptically titled Operation Water Supply. Can Steve and his plucky bunch of underdogs stop him in time?
Admit it, you’ve never heard of Kill and Kill Again. It’s a little-known film from South Africa and follows very loosely on from Kill or be Killed. However, you don’t need to see that to enjoy Kill and Kill Again in its full glory. In fact, skip the original, it’s awful.
Kill and Kill Again is very much a family film (incidentally, the topless catfight scene on the back of the current DVD release of this film does NOT appear – that was a desperate attempt by the company to sell this film!) and they’ve clearly tried to tick every box possible. For dad, we have the Karate scenes and some gorgeous eye Kandy…er…candy in the shape of the female lead. Mom has the dreamy Steve Chase to drool over. Little Johnny has the cool moves he can practice in the school yard to get himself expelled while little Janet has a great role-model in Kandy Kane to look up to – hell, she’s almost as good as a man! And of course, everyone can laugh at the funny parrot and the group’s low-grade misogyny towards Kandy.
The film’s aim is clear. It’s basically James Bond meets Enter the Dragon. We have as many one-liners as you’d find in a Moore-era Bond movie – and every one of them falls hilariously flat. It’s so unfunny, it actually becomes funny – and this was years before Austin Powers shagged his way onto our screens.
The characters are bizarre (for example, Hot Dog is a gadgets expert, but his knowledge seems largely limited to scattering a few tacks across the floor or handing Steve his nunchaku) and the actions of the characters are often highly questionable (at one point, in a tender moment between Steve and Kandy, he inexplicably licks her shoulder). Plus, on the bad guy side, you have Marduk’s strange relationship with the pink-haired Minerva (Marlowe Scott Wilson) and a way too sentient parrot. And don’t get me started on the Fly…
All of this adds up to a whole bunch of fun. Kill And Kill Again is a film I simply cannot stop watching, simply because it is so well intentioned. All of the out-and-out wrongness is just the icing on the cake as far as I’m concerned. And in its own special way, was something of a trailblazer. The “crack team working together” angle pre-dates the A-Team by a number of years. And let’s not forget that this film invented Bullet Time. Yes, that’s right, the Wachowski Brothers learned everything they know from Kill And Kill Again.
Actually, I hate to piss on anybody’s chips, but this rumour (which is being circulated right now on the internet) is simply rubbish. The effect in question appears close to what passes for “Bullet Time”, but is simply a bit of slow-motion to try to eke some kind of tension out of the climax – which itself is hilarious. I mention this as I would hate anyone to watch this thing expecting to see movie history being made. Just watch it for what it is.
I found Bill Flynn’s website once (he’s still working!) and sent him an enthusiastic email gushing on about my love for the film. He didn’t reply. Maybe he’s not in the market for a new stalker right at the minute. Hot DOG!
Sukeban Boy (2006) April 28, 2007
Posted by Cal in : Wacko , 4 commentsDirector: Noburu Iguchi Starring: Asami Miyajima, Emiro Momose Territory: Japan
Sukeban (Asami Miyajima) is a delinquent boy cursed with a girlish face. When he is expelled from the final boys’ school that will take him, he is forced to don a sailor suit uniform and attend a girls-only school. There, he finds there ARE benefits to looking like a girl (seeing girls in their underwear being the primary one. Actually, it’s the only one, but it IS a damn good one you must admit). He encounters and befriends Mochicko (Emiro Momose), who shows him the Humiliation Club, and Sukeban’s talent for brawling wins him great respect from the other girls. However, Mochiko’s feelings could be a little deeper than she’s letting on, and there are more foes waiting around the next corner.
Sukeban Boy is a lower-than-low budget, shot on video, 60-minute assault on the senses. Apparently parodying the kind of Japanese fetish film that (at best) completely stumps western viewers, it can be argued quite effectively that it is itself a fetish film. It should perhaps be pointed out that although almost everyone here appears in a schoolgirl uniform at some point, everyone present is over the age of consent (in some cases, I think well over the age!).
A/V Idol (read: porn star) Asami Miyajima (she really IS female, by the way!) is a woman playing a boy playing a girl. Which isn’t easy to pull off. However, she actually does a thoroughly decent job of it. The best thing you can say about the supporting cast is that you hope they don’t give up their day jobs. But their stilted, amateurish delivery is perfect in keeping with the tone of the movie. And the tone is usually insane. When a movie opens with the line “I may dress in girls’ clothes, but I’m a man with a capital ‘M’”, you know you’re in for something out of the ordinary, but it’s a relatively sane opener for what follows.
Things start to get really strange upon entering the “Humiliation Club”, a place where young ladies can practice increasing their sense of shame at being watched by others in compromising situations. For example, we see two girls dressed in a sort of Sumo wrestler’s loincloth, American football padding, jerseys and helmets. They gently bump into each other proclaiming “it’s so humiliating, I can’t bear it!”
This prepares us nicely for our encounter the “Pan-Suto League” (with their “Bang Bang Pantyhose”), the “No-Bra League” (which should be self explanatory), a masked member of the “Naked League” (who actually wears a thong) and other bizarreness. Sukeban battles them all in fights with blows that even a blind man can see don’t connect, accompanied by sound effects that seem to be taken from an elderly computer game. At one stage, Asami is clearly struggling to keep a straight face while reeling from a repeated kick-attack that consistently lands about a foot from her face. Which just adds to the fun. And when you have one topless, bullet-clad woman (think Chinamy Yau from the cover of Naked Killer) firing shots from her teeth at a schoolgirl armed with an iron Ping-Pong bat, you think you’ve pretty much seen everything there is to see. That is, until you meet the girl who can shoot bullets out of the stumps of her severed legs.
Of course, there’s plenty of tits ‘n bum nudity, and also plenty of gore. The gore effects remind me a lot of European horror films from the late 70’s or early 80’s – effective nastiness on a budget. It’s usually so over-the-top that you don’t forget you’re watching a send-up though.
Sukeban Boy is probably not the kind of film you’ll stumble upon by accident and buy on impulse (if you do, I want to know where you shop!), but it IS possible to track down (the Hong Kong version comes equipped with English subs). This little nugget came to my attention via another Hong Kong film fan by the name of Brian Thibodeau, who also has an eye for the more outlandish type of film from the east. For more information about Sukeban Boy, and other inspired madness, check out his Blog at: http://column.hkmdb.com/brian