Thunderbolt (1995) August 16, 2008
Posted by Cal in : Action, 1990s films , 7 commentsDirector: Gordon Chan Main Cast: Jackie Chan; Anita Yuen; Thorsten Nickel; Michael Wong Territory: Hong Kong Production Company: Golden Harvest
“I saw this movie very shortly after its Asian release, and no amount of banging my head against a brick wall will allow me to forget this fact.
Fellow Brits of a certain age will remember a fellow called Benny Hill, and the silly sped-up chases that he used to perform. This film is pretty much like that (except it’s supposed to be deadly serious and there are no saucy, scantily-clad women involved). I’d give anything to erase all memory of this film from my mind. I’d even watch The Medallion again (twice, if necessary) if I could, just once, sleep the whole night through without waking up screaming, “This is the man that gave us Police Story! This is the man that gave us Project A! Hell, even his Lo Wei films were better than this!” while images of dumbly undercranked cars run feebly across my mind.
Suffice to say, this was not one of the more accomplished films in Jackie Chan’s career. Surprisingly, at the time of writing, no sequel has been planned.”
The above review of this film appears on the HKMDB, and if you don’t already recognise the “style” of the writing, it’s one of my contributions. Thunderbolt has always been a bit of a watershed film for me, and something that made me finally realise that Jackie Chan was no longer a god of action cinema. I despised the film with a passion and truly wanted it to go away and never be mentioned again. Although the above review was intended to be humorous, I did genuinely feel offended and betrayed by the film.
Almost thirteen years passed between my first viewing and the one I sat through recently to write this review. A lot has changed in the world, and in my own personal life. Thunderbolt is a film I always knew I’d have to come back to sooner or later, so do I still hate it?
The answer is curiously no, and I’m not sure what that means, if anything. True, it’s still as dumb as a bag of spanners. The plot makes no real sense at all, the undercranked race at the end is still silly (although not as bad as I remember it and I now understand the mitigating circumstances behind it), it’s almost completely devoid of humour, the gunfight is too violent and seems out of place in a Jackie Chan movie, the acting by the English language cast is truly abominable and Michael Wong definitely calls Jackie “Jackie” at one point (his name of the character in the film is “Foh”). And that’s not even mentioning the extensive doubling (Jackie was still injured from Rumble in the Bronx and couldn’t perform as much as usual), a fact I wasn’t even aware of when I watched this on grainy ol’ VHS first time around.
But the crucial fact remains: I just couldn’t whip up any hatred for Thunderbolt. And I sat through it quite happily, much to my surprise. That’s not to say I enjoyed it all that much, but I can see how it might have made a decent film had certain things gone differently. The aforementioned undercranked race finale was a victim of circumstance when the filming moved from Japan to Malaysia and the team were forbidden to race at speed. This has resulted in the now-infamous silly ending to the movie. The whole sequence is weirdly surreal anyway, with some major accidents going off all over the place on the track and nobody seeming to find it worthy of comment or stepping in to stop the race. And the practice of putting a pit-stop timer on-screen breaks the fourth wall as far as I’m concerned – attempting to make the film appear like a televised race is a major mistake.
The haphazard and highly implausible story follows Foh, an upstanding member of society who happens to be good at fighting and racing, who ultimately gets challenged by “Cougar” (Nickel) to race when he kidnaps Foh’s sisters. And that’s pretty much it, although the film takes the best part of ninety minutes to even get around to thinking about a climax. Nickel’s acting is truly dreadful, and I’m pretty sure no one’s going to disagree with me on that point. It’s always the same in these “international” productions when Chinese directors direct dialogue in English – it just doesn’t work out.
On the plus side, the early car sequences are actually pretty decent – although not really what the average Jackie Chan fan was looking for in a movie in the mid 90’s. The Sammo Hung directed fight scenes are pared down to a certain extent, but what’s here is pretty good. In this age of digital media it’s pretty easy to spot where Jackie was doubled, but he does do some of his own stuff. Hung seems intent on blurring the action and producing very short, choppy action scenes, presumably to hide the fact that the star wasn’t present during some sequences, and this does seem quite un Sammo-like. That said, the Pachinko parlour scene is quite watchable, with Jackie going head to head with his own stunt crew and a group of near-naked Yakuza.
The fact that I’ve even noticed that Thunderbolt has some redeeming qualities is saying something, although I’d still prefer any of his 90’s films over this one (except perhaps First Strike). If you’re after, say, a Jackie Chan film that’s serious, you will be far better off with the superior Crime Story. And as for my comments about The Medallion, well, it’s funny you should ask…
Pantyhose Hero (1990) July 6, 2008
Posted by Cal in : Comedy, Action, 1990s films , 4 commentsDirector: Sammo Hung Main Cast: Sammo Hung; Alan Tam; Joan Tong; Jaclyn Chu Territory: Hong Kong Production Company: Bojon Films
A serial killer is targeting the Hong Kong gay community, so the local police decide that two cops should go undercover as gay lovers to track down the murderer. Enter Jeff (Sammo Hung) and Alan (Alan Tam), two “real men” who are less than pleased with their new assignment.
If you were being charitable, you could simply describe the humour of Pantyhose Hero as “sneering”. It’s full of the kind of humour that schoolboys normally grow out of in their teens, and at worst is probably one of the most offensive films you could see. Seemingly every sentence and joke is made from a position of supreme ignorance. Even the English title implies that all gay men are transvestites (and presumably vice versa) and has no bearing on the film’s plot.
Pantyhose Hero presumes all gay men are rapists, or at the very least sex-obsessed perverts. It’s hard to choose specific examples of dialogue when the entire script is full of clichés and the worst kind of stereotyping possible, but the training sequence in which Jaclyn Chu lectures Sammo and Alan in the art of acting gay is probably the most ignorant speech you will ever hear in a movie. They are taught to mince about while given such advice as “cultivate the mentality of disliking girls” and that there are “three types of gays” and that the third kind are “born gays and have to sell themselves to sate their lust”. There’s much talk about who’s “male” and “female” in a male gay relationship (incidentally, there are no lesbians in Pantyhose Hero’s universe) and a “psychological test” that is so pathetic a schoolboy probably thought it up. Perhaps trumping that is the scene where the police raid a gay bar and separate the men from their “girlfriends” for searching purposes. Ironically, it’s clear that this scene was meant to be somewhat “pro gay” in showing the police to be piggish, and even more ironically, ignorant. It’s a great disappointment that the script for this film was co-written by the late Barry Wong, who was responsible for so many great action comedy scripts in the 80s.
To give some credit, there are about two funny moments in the film: one dialogue between Sammo and Alan with much punning in Cantonese on the word “gay” which is completely lost in translation, and the scene where Sammo chats up the wrong man in a sushi bar. And, like a lot of Sammo’s comedies, the heterosexuals don’t come across too well either (he and Tam are so sex-crazed they can barely keep their hands off Jaclyn Chu).
This being a Sammo Hung film, there are fights and stunts included of course. These are definitely overshadowed by the “comedy” and it seems obvious that Sammo was hoping this was going to stand in its comic merits as the action is pretty sparse. Where present, the action is sporadically brilliant, and the finale with a tacked-on drug smuggling sub-plot (even now, I can’t think where that came from) is Sammo at his frenetic best. He does what he always does and makes an ordinary non-performer (this time Alan Tam) look great at action. It doesn’t last long though and as it does literally seem to come out of nowhere it feels like it came from another film.
At the time, there was considerable backlash against this film for its blatant homophobia, but I’ve noticed in recent times that the backlash itself is getting some backlash. It should be realised that the humour of Pantyhose Hero has nothing at all to do with modern “politically incorrect” comedy, which is conscious of the sensitive issues it jokes about. This is just an exercise in sneering superiority and lacks the most basic human decency. It’s amazing that for a performer who made so many great things in the 80s, Sammo pissed it all against the wall in such a spectacular way as soon as the decade was over. This was the first (and by no means last) seemingly deliberate attempt to sabotage his own career by alienating his audience.
Forbidden City Cop (1996) March 10, 2008
Posted by Cal in : Comedy, 1990s films , 6 commentsDirector: Stephen Chow; Vincent Kok Cast: Stephen Chow; Carina Lau; Law Kar-Ying; Carman Lee Territory: Hong Kong Production Company: Wins/Samico Films
The Emperor is guarded by an elite group of heroes known as the Forbidden City Cops. The title is hereditary, so when hapless Ling Ling Fat (Chow) also qualifies to be a guard, he is kept out of the way with menial tasks. One day, the heroes are killed by a group of martial arts masters who are out to kill the Emperor, and only Ling Ling Fat remains. He has no martial arts skill, but he alone must protect the Emperor against his enemies, and find him a beautiful new concubine.
First impressions of Forbidden City Cop indicate that Chow was recycling some of his gags – the opening titles are a rehash of the Maurice Binder spoofery from From Beijing With Love, and Chow’s character’s name is a pun on the Cantonese for “007”. However, the similarities more or less end there. Forbidden City Cop is a pretty funny film, it has to be said, and it is more a parody of the period Wuxia films of the 70’s and early 80’s than another James Bond send-up. In fact, the Wuxia elements are surprisingly inventive and convincing, and if you were to walk in on this film at certain points, you would be forgiven in thinking you were watching the real thing.
The character of Ling Ling Fat is introduced (after a pre-title sequence where he breaks up a duel between two legendary swordsmen) in typical Chow style. The Forbidden City Cops display their immense martial arts skill in front of the Emperor one by one, and then Chow comes running out, crouches down and does a couple of extremely lame forward rolls. It’s hilariously naff, and gets the viewer onside for the rest of the film. He’s a frustrated inventor who comes up with lots of ingenious (but ultimately pointless) gadgets as well as a bored and inept gynaecologist – a job he is given to keep him away from the Emperor’s palace for as long as possible.
Chow’s character is a little different from usual in this film, and unusually for a film that has rom-com aspirations, the two lovers are married even before the film begins and are blissfully happy. Carina Lau is Chow’s wife and sparring partner, and does a decent enough job of it. Chow regular Law Kar-Ying is featured heavily and is his usual crazed self, although he does seem to be unable to keep a straight face at times. What seems like a sub-plot is introduced about halfway through the film where Chow is sent to woo a concubine on behalf of the Emperor. This actually has more of a bearing on the plot than you would realise (for what that’s worth) and introduces Carman (sic) Lee’s concubine character – whose encounters with Chow create much of the humour for the second half.
Like a lot of Chow’s films, the tone is somewhat uneven, but this can be overlooked in Forbidden City Cop as the changes are never as jarring as in, say, From Beijing With Love or King of Beggars. As with all of Chow’s films, though, a strong knowledge of the language is necessary to get the most out of the mo lei tau (makes no sense) dialogue and Cantonese wordplay. However, even without such knowledge, the film’s a hoot and most of the sight gags are universal, making this one of Chow’s more accessible films of the ‘nineties.
The version on review here is one of the old Mei-Ah straight-from-VCD travesties that they were so keen on producing (maybe they thought DVD wouldn’t take off?). It’s rubbish on all fronts and has the old burnt-in subtitles, but there are a load of howlers that mangle the English language to within an inch of its life. I’ve included a screenshot of a couple of the best ones, but there are quite a few in this version of the film. I’m getting the remaster before I watch it again!
From Beijing With Love (1994) March 2, 2008
Posted by Cal in : Comedy, 1990s films , add a commentDirector: Lee Lik-Chi; Stephen Chow Sing-Chi Cast: Stephen Chow Sing-Chi; Anita Yuen; Law Kar-Ying Territory: Hong Kong Production Company: Win’s Movie Production
A dinosaur’s skull is stolen and retired spy Ling Ling Chat (Stephen Chow), now a pork vendor, is brought in to investigate. He is aided by Li Heung Kam (Anita Yuen) in finding the “Man with the Golden Gun”, the villain behind the theft. But Li has orders of her own, and must ensure that Chat fails in his mission…
From Beijing With Love starts off as a straight parody of the James Bond movies, complete with a Maurice Binder-esque opening sequence and title music that’s so close to the original that it’s quite surprising that EON Productions never sued. Furthermore, Chow’s character is called Ling Ling Chat (which literally translates as “Zero Zero Seven”) and includes a gadget-introduction sequence that at times looks like the real thing.
The gags range from fairly awful (Law Kar-Ying, as an insane “Q” character, demonstrates a solar-powered torch) to the hilarious (I loved Chow’s cockroach infested motel room and his “landlady”), but come thick and fast for most of the film. However, there are some extremely jarring changes of tone from the comic to the serious that From Beijing With Love is sometimes quite uncomfortable viewing. One scene in particular, where a father is repeatedly shot in front of his young son in a shopping mall, is tough to stomach in a film which is supposedly a screwball comedy. The juxtaposition of comic and violent scenes are probably enough to turn off a lot of potential viewers off this film and in this way, it can be seen to be not untypical of Hong Kong movies as a whole.
Nevertheless, consistency aside, there are just about enough funny moments in From Beijing With Love to make it memorable for the right reasons. There are some great jokes and funny scenes in here, and the humour is typical of Chow’s work from the period. One scene is memorable: Chow is wounded in a gunfight and is dragged back to his flat where Yuen is forced to pull the bullet out of his leg. To kill the pain, Chow puts a videotape of a porno film on while Yuen chips away with a screwdriver and hammer. It’s sick, disturbing and gory, but it’s also pretty funny. The use of the word “darkie” in the scene referring to one of the porn actresses raises an eyebrow, but this is just down to bad subtitling (which have been ported directly from the old VHS version); Chow actually just says “black person”.
At around 84 minutes in length, From Beijing With Love is the kind of movie that’s quick and undemanding. It’s a definite no-brainer with less plot than usual for a Chow vehicle from the mid-nineties, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. If you can stomach the violence and the sudden changes in tone, it’s quite harmless and should elicit a few belly laughs.
The Storm Riders (1998) December 6, 2007
Posted by Cal in : Action, Wuxia, 1990s films , 10 commentsDirector: Andrew Lau Cast: Ekin Cheng; Aaron Kwok, Sonny Chiba, Wayne Lai, Kristy Yeung Territory: Hong Kong Production Company: Golden Harvest
Rarely, if ever, will you find a Hong Kong movie that divides opinion as much as Andrew Lau’s 1998 adaptation of Ma Wing-Sing’s comic book of the same name. It was the first Hong Kong CGI bonanza, and it probably wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that if you have a beef with any aspect of modern day movie making in Hong Kong, you can trace it back to this movie.
The film’s detractors cite many faults with the film, but one universal gripe is the plot - or the lack of one. What it boils down to is a pair of orphans (Ekin Cheng as Wind and Aaron Kwok as Cloud) who are “groomed” by Conqueror (Japanese legend Sonny Chiba) because the soothsayer Mud Buddha (Wayne Lai) decrees that with these two disciples will bring him great power for a full decade. The kids fall in love with the same woman and it all ends badly (for all concerned) and Conqueror finally challenges Sword Saint (Anthony Wong) from the unchallenged City to a duel. Mud Buddha then drops a bombshell about the other half of the prophesy about Wind and Cloud.
Which is a workable, if basic, plot. But then the film’s origin starts to get in the way. I’ve never read the comic book – I bought loads of issues to help with my Chinese reading and eventually discovered I was way out of my depth (I bought a couple of the far inferior US translations and discovered, to my surprise, that they were no easier!) so mainly just looked at the fantastic pictures. But I’m guessing that there are a lot of characters and events here from the comic book that get crammed in just to satisfy fans. What then happens is the film becomes episodic and confusing, with minor characters popping up, doing something (presumably) important and then disappearing forever.
One thing that is sure to date a movie is making it so bang-up-to-date as possible, and Storm Riders suffers from this more than you’d think. Although less than a decade old, it looks too much like a product of its time, and nowhere is this more evident than in the opening title sequence, which now looks like a graphical cut scene from a PlayStation One game. All of the CGI tends to be a little ropey, which is a major problem as the production relies so heavily on it.
However, Storm Riders tries damn hard to be entertaining, and was a necessary step in the evolution of Hong Kong movies, which had been suffering from dwindling cinema audiences for years prior to this film. Although the film looks dated now, it certainly did the trick in getting people back watching local fare over the latest glossy Hollywood blockbusters.
I remember seeing this for the first time and thinking it was just totally incomprehensible, and this seems to be a common reaction. What this film insists upon is a second (and maybe a third) viewing, and things definitely make a hell of a lot more sense. There is an interesting relationship between the two main characters and their beloved Charity (an early appearance by Kristy Yeung) and the two are evidently intended to be two sides of the same coin with the emotional, romantic Wind and the sensual, lustful Cloud.
Over at the Hong Kong Movie Database, which is an invaluable resource for anyone interested in Hong Kong films, there are many reviews for this film but one review sums up the depth of feeling that this film can engender. It was written by a user called MilesC, and he gives the film a very poor review before appending this:
Post-script: It’s been six months since I wrote the above review, and well over a year since I saw the film. It’s six o’clock in the morning, and I can’t sleep because I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THIS MOVIE. The fact that a 130 minute movie could contain so little plot, action, or character development and ACTUALLY BE FINANCIALLY SUCCESSFUL makes me want to destroy the entire planet. I HATE THIS MOVIE! Andrew Lau, one day I’ll come for you.
I’m guessing he steered well clear of the film after writing that, but I can’t help wondering if he watched it again whether he’d feel quite so strongly about it. Likewise, I’m guessing a lot of people who loved it upon release now find Storm Riders a little creaky and rough around the edges. I’d say I’ve grown to love it over the years, but there are plenty of better examples of this type of film nowadays.
The Mission (1999) October 31, 2007
Posted by Cal in : Thriller, 1990s films , add a commentDirector: Johnnie To Cast: Anthony Wong, Lam Suet, Francis Ng, Jackie Lui, Roy Cheung, Simon Yam Territory: Hong Kong Production Company: Milkyway Image
Triad boss Lung (Eddie Ko) is targeted for assassination by persons unknown. Mid-level gangster Frank (Simon Yam) assembles a team of bodyguards to keep Lung safe and to draw out the assassin. These turn out to be Curtis (Anthony Wong), Shin (Jackie Lui), Roy (Francis Ng), Mike (Roy Cheung) and James (Lam Suet).
It seems like a simplistic plot, and in a way it is, but Johnnie To’s The Mission is a lot more involved than it first appears. Besides, the real meat of the film can’t be mentioned without causing some serious spoilers for anyone who’s never seen it.
The team of bodyguards is assembled without the viewer knowing anything about them, and this causes some confusion (well, it did with me, anyway). Their backgrounds aren’t talked about (except for Curtis, who is a hairdresser in his other life!) and until things get underway you’re left wondering what the hell’s going on too much of the time. It was obviously a deliberate ploy by To to give the characters an air of mystery, but in my opinion, he achieves this a little too well. It comes as a great relief when things eventually settle down and everything clicks into place, and I strongly suspect this will be a much more enjoyable film to watch on second viewing.
There are some great touches, such as when the gangsters are waiting around for their boss and decide to kick a crumpled ball of paper to each other to while away the time. It’s a human touch that is lacking from too many films of this nature, and makes what follows surprisingly believable.
The gunfights are also handled in a very different way from your standard “Heroic Bloodshed”. In one stand out scene, the gang seem almost bored by an attack on them. Showing the mundanity of “another day at the office” for a gang of gun-wielding killers sends shivers down the spine.
Acting throughout is outstanding, and Anthony Wong shows his usual understated flair. The supporting actors, many of who would reappear for To’s Exiled in 2006, also perform brilliantly. The only flaw to the film is a rather by-the-numbers synth score and the aforementioned difficulty of the early stages of the film.
Unfortunately, the Mei-Ah disc from Hong Kong is a travesty. For some reason, the distributor’s caption seems to have burned itself on the print and appears like a kind of watermark through the entire film. If that wasn’t enough, the picture transfer is shoddy anyway, and the sound is muffled and muddy. It actually looks like a VHS bootleg, and this kind of thing it totally unacceptable for any film made in the last ten years, let alone one as good as this. My copy also came from Hong Kong with a big dent in the cover like someone had spent a fair while sitting on it, but I realise that this might not apply to all copies of the disc…
Iron Monkey (1993) July 1, 2007
Posted by Cal in : Kung Fu, 1990s films , add a commentDirector: Yuen Wo-Ping Cast: Yu Rong-Guang, Donnie Yen, Angie Tsang, Jean Wang, Yuen Shun-Yi Action Directors: Yuen Cheung-Yan, Yuen Shun-Yi, Guk Hin-Chiu Territory: Hong Kong Production Company: Golden Harvest
One thing I’ve never been good at is judging just which Hong Kong action films are going to go mega with fellow westerners. For example, I would have put money on this one sinking without a trace outside its native territory. Instead, it has become one of those massive cult hits that sell on DVD by the bucketful.
Dr Yan (Yu Rong-Guang) is an honest doctor by day and the notorious Iron Monkey by night. Iron Monkey is a kind of Santa Claus, Robin Hood and Batman all rolled into one – robbing from the opulent Qing lords, giving the proceeds to flood victims and doling out justice to evildoers along the way. Naturally, the authorities aren’t too keen on this sort of behaviour and put a price on Iron Monkey’s head. So when one of the Ten Tigers of Kwan-Tung himself shows up, Wong Kei-Ying (Donnie Yen) along with his young son Fei-Hung (Angie Tsang), he is quickly asked to help out, which ostracises him from the local population, which idolises the Monkey. When Wong Fei-Hung is kidnapped by the officials, Kei-Ying begins to doubt the validity of the authorities’ claims against the Iron Monkey…
This is an official prequel to the Once Upon a Time in China series, set when Wong Fei-Hung was still a young boy. The film kicks off with some of the most outrageous wirework I’ve ever seen outside parody. I have to admit not being terribly keen on that sort of thing, but things then settle down for a while until Wong Kei-Ying shows up. I’ve always been a little wary of Donnie Yen as a lot of his fight scenes are undercranked to the point of silliness, and sadly that’s the case here as well. His introduction fight is the worst, in which he fights off foes with his umbrella in what will eventually become his son’s chosen weapon in future films. In case there are still people unaware, in this instalment Fei-Hung is played by a thirteen-year-old girl – Angie Tsang Sze-Man, a member of Hong Kong’s national WuShu team at the time. She’s fantastic, especially armed with a pole, and gives the grown-ups something to worry about.
Anyone familiar with Dreadnought and Drunken Tai-Chi will know Yuen Shun-Yi, brother of director Yuen Wo-Ping. He has one of the most distinctive faces in the industry and when given a decent part, often specializes in playing homicidal maniacs. Here, however, he provides most of the comic relief for the movie as the surprisingly honest and sympathetic Qing General and is a genuine scene-stealer.
Iron Monkey is agreeable enough but the excessive wirework and Donnie Yen’s undercranked performance take the shine off as far as I’m concerned. It’s good that it provides some background in the fictionalised history of Wong Fei-Hung as told in the Once Upon a Time in China series (complete with umbrella). There are a lot of enjoyable scenes and performances here, that’s for sure, and I certainly don’t begrudge the film’s popularity. But it’s a little short of an all-out classic in my view. Mind you, I say the same about Drunken Master 2…
Bio Zombie (1998) May 20, 2007
Posted by Cal in : Blogroll, Horror, Comedy, 1990s films , 4 commentsDirector: Wilson Yip Cast: Jordan Chan, Sam Lee, Angela Tong, Lai Yiu-Cheung, Emotion Cheung Territory: Hong Kong Production Company: Cameron Entertainment Co
Long before Zack Snyder made the official Dawn of the Dead remake, Wilson Yip (who would later go on to helm the ultra-slick and ultra-stylish SPL) made his own. Sure, it has more laughs than frights, but the basic premise of a bunch of survivors in a mall over-run with the walking dead remains the same.
The twist here is that the survivors want to get out of the mall as it has become the centre of the zombie activity thanks in no small part to our two heroes. Woody Invincible (Jordan Chan) and Crazy Bee (Sam Lee) are two slackers who run a dodgy VCD stall in the mall (having seen the quality of their stock, I think I may have purchased some of their VCDs in the past), while Woody’s would-be girlfriend Rolls (Angela Tong) is a vacuous beautician who strings along “Sushi Boy” (the wonderfully named Emotion Cheung), a well-meaning chef in the Mall’s Japanese restaurant just to get a discount. Rounding out the crew are Woody and Crazy Bee’s scumbag boss Mr Kui (Lai Yiu-Cheung) and his beautiful but downtrodden wife (Tam Suk-Mui). It is a testament to Lai’s skill as an actor that he pulls off such a vile role so well after playing the kindly, gentle “Piggy” in TVB’s Journey to the West! From this essentially unlikeable cast of characters we have what passes for Bio Zombie’s heroes – but it’s best not to pass judgement on them until they show their mettle in a crisis situation.
There’s a plot in here, but for the first forty minutes you’d hardly know it. A biological agent is stored in a bottle of Lucozade (surely a recipe for disaster right from the start!) and is being sold illegally nearby. This agent can turn people into killing machines – albeit very slow, shuffling killing machines with a taste for human flesh. The deal goes horribly wrong when the test case escapes and eats the weapons dealers. A survivor is picked up by the two slackers when they inadvertently knock him over in their car – and is given a drink from the Lucozade bottle to perk him up! The survivor, left for dead in the boot of Woody’s car, goes on a rampage when they reach the mall and thus kicks off the zombie invasion.
There’s some weird stuff in the first half of Bio-Zombie that has nothing whatsoever to do with zombies and has no place in a horror film. The comedy factor is so high early on that you actually forget what’s going to happen, and when it does, it’s quite a shock. The acting is quite remarkable at times, and much higher than you’d expect in a movie like this. The preliminary scenes setting up the heroes and villains pay off big time come the final reel because of all the goofing around earlier, not despite it. It even conjures up a fair bit of tension at times, particularly when the pair are handcuffed in the Security Guards’ office during an attack. The zombie make-up is not terribly complex or groundbreaking, but this doesn’t hamper the fun in any way. The zombies themselves are straight out of Romero’s world, and the same rules apply: only severe head wounds (preferably a headshot with a firearm) will stop them, and anything else is just going to fail.
The Mei-Ah DVD is a bit of a travesty, it has to be said. There is a US version, I believe, that has a very entertaining dub, but that sort of thing goes against the grain for me and I can’t see myself ever watching it. The problem with the Mei-Ah disc is the sound – it’s probably the worst I’ve ever heard on DVD. The picture is no more than adequate, but the subs throw up some strange “Chinglish” on occasions – such as when Woody and Sushi Boy burst into the gents’ toilet to find Crazy Bee in there. When asked what he was doing, he shouts back, “I am stooling!”. There are quite a few nuggets like that in here. The main selling point seems to be the very short alternate ending, but it is rather pointless and seems to have been filmed without serious consideration of actually being used.
Sam Lee would return (as a different character) in Bio Cops – an unnecessary and unsatisfying sequel that should have taken a headshot in the planning stages.