“Damn you, Fatty!” - More funny subtitles from Hong Kong movies May 13, 2009
Posted by Cal in : Articles, Humour , trackbackA few months ago, I bought a Chinese copy of Akira Kurosawa’s Throne of Blood off eBay for the suspiciously priced sum of £4.00 (including postage). The seller assured me the disc was legit, and that may be true, but upon reading the plot synopsis on the back, I started to have my doubts. Here it is in full, typed as it appears on the back of the pack (warning: there are major spoilers ahead if you can actually understand what’s being said):
“Chaos caused by war of epoch,guard Chow and Sam made contributions in the war, they got to the main stockaded village for getting largess.they passed spiderish bush,they got lost.they met a enchanter, the enchanter foretold that Chow would become a north castellan.he believed what the enchanter had said, his wife named Chin told what she had asked him to kill the master,so he did,he has become the master of the spiderish city.then he tried to kill general Sam.Sam’s son protected king, they got away.because Chin was malicious,she went mad,the enchanter in the spiderish bush foretold if spiderish bush wasn’t just moved, Chow didn’t lose.but spiderish bush was moved towards the spiderish city, they finally killed Chow in arrows.”
So, after moaning about the price of Kurosawa films, I thought I could probably stand a few mangled subtitles if it meant I’d saved about a tenner. Unfortunately, the disc’s a write off. With utterances like: “I am blurred by a monster. I will not be blurred”, “You are cheated by the virtual reality…who?”, “Good. I will build a hill for the cropses”, “How’s the bush?” and: “Forget it. It’s useless to talk to the shit”, it’s pretty hard to stay focussed. When a worker informs the Mifune character that his child perished, the subtitle reads: “And the baby died for a few days”. Best of all is the line when the crows of ill-omen make their presence felt and one man intones gravely: “Hey, the birds are shouting badly”.
All of this made me think about cobbling together more funny subtitles (and never buying another Chinese Kurosawa disc from eBay). So, for your amusement, I present the following gleaned from about six months’ random viewing:
“Black magic only, chopping won’t work” – Mr Vampire 3
“And who the bickering fool are you?” – Crippled Avengers
“With potbelly against Heaven, he’ll be herculean” – Mr Vampire 3
“Lower the soung volume” – Mr Vampire 2
“Your hammer is something different. The chain is long and thick” – Crippled Avengers
“Hello? 999? Vampire here” – Mr Vampire 2
“Also, the shit” – Touch and Go
“I know Lau’s dead and you’re so upsad” – Touch and Go
“Bitch, pissed off!” – Touch and Go
“Fat guy, don’t shoot, it’ll kill people” – Touch and Go
“Fatties, are you all right?” – Slickers Vs Killers
“Mr Fish-ball! Shit!” – As Tears Go By
“Bat, you’re imbalance” – Slickers Vs Killers
“He raped and then assaulted me indecently” – Slickers Vs Killers
“Tomorrow you can come and shit one more time” - By Hook or By Crook
“Uncle, he’s staring at my chess!” - By Hook or By Crook
“No, but I slap her down the bed” - By Hook or By Crook
“How can you fart at this moment?” - By Hook or By Crook
“He’s a deaf. Close the door” - By Hook or By Crook
“You’re bastard!” – Fatal Contact
“Be still and ass up” – Fatal Contact
“Kill that shit guy” – Gambling Ghost
“Have you ever seen a policeman’s bottoms fall of when on duty?” – Running out of Time
My favourite comes from the otherwise tepid Fatal Contact. Two characters are discussing another when one solemnly declares of him: “What a waste. He used to be good. After one fatal injury, he’s never his old self…”
That’s it for now. More funny subtitles should appear in another six months’ time or so. However, if I suffer a fatal injury, it might be slightly longer. In the meantime, if anyone has any they’d like to share, please add a comment!
More funny Hong Kong subtitles can be found here.
Comments»
I always think it looks fun to watch a whole film with subtitles that bad, but then I imagine it’s actually a horrible chore. Still, thanks for enduring it for our amusement!
One of the best subtitle streams I’ve ever seen is Backstroke of the West (Star Wars Revenge of the Sith).
http://winterson.com/2009/01/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west-redux.html
http://www.flubtitles.com
“Quiet! I make!”… no sense (Righting Wrongs). Should be “Quiet! I have a full house!”.
HK cinema is full of shit subtitles, sadly the tradition continues instead of distributors commissioning new translations. There’s few genuine fans of HK cinema that care about the subject - people don’t realise how much it can change the film.
The worst subtitles I’ve seen are for the movie Choi Lee Fat Kung Fu, which translates songs as “They are praying”, an entire training sequence as “Coach taught him secret kung fu” and indivudual fighting moves as “Name of Boxing Act”
Thanks for the comments, guys!
Whilst not a flubtitle, it’s a potential mistake by Celestial’s team. James Lee reported a dying Wang Yu at the end of ‘Trail At The Broken Blade’ where he seemingly pleads with his beloved to cope with the grief by bingeing - “Go eat something.”
‘New Legend Of Shaolin’ - a masked villain answers “Negro!” and later found out after much bewilderment that it should be “We’re negros!”. Still a bit odd in the film.
“Stop bullshitting!” appears in a few movies.
I showed my mum some examples at the site and we were in stitches!
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